Father's Contemplations

So there's been a lot of change in our lives as of late. And, there's a lot more change incoming.

In Church today, they did a Father's day service. They wanted all the men in the choir. I did my part with the joyful noise business. It wasn't so bad. I had several really good voices around me drowning me out. Later in the service all the Father's were asked to stand up. This was a rather awkward moment for me. It's common knowledge at our church that Dani and I are adopting. That said, no one has seen a kid running around. I haven't had any foot injuries from tripping on toys played with and left out; I haven't stayed up late, slept too little, and gone to work nearly dead from the exhaustion of trying to get a young one to sleep at a decent hour.

So, the question was: Do I stand? Another interpretation could be: Am I Dad enough?

At this point I thought back to the past crazy months. This whole process really began back in December. Well, it was conceived then. A seed of an idea planted in our minds. A slight tug began upon our hearts. I think back through all the paperwork Dani and I filled out; all the documents to gather; all the signatures that had to be collected; all the research to be done for raising a child with special needs. As it turns out we did have long nights. We did go to bed late and wake up to go to work way too early. We've lost sleep over the questions that have hung in the air as we've waited for the Homestudy to get finished or the Adoption Agency brings up some other issue. We've cried ourselves senseless. We've prayed like we've never prayed before. Morning and night we've prayed. Dani and I have seen obstacles tossed, walls crumbled, odds overcome. We have fought and bleed for our child emotionally and spiritually.

I suppose I still haven't answered that question. Did I stand up? You bet I did. I know the heart that God has put in Dani and myself. I know our desires intersecting with God's will for us. I know fear. Fear of losing my child; fearing of providing for her needs; fear of the million things I can't control because there's no cure for all the stupid in this crazy world. But, at the end of the day, I know peace. I know meaning. I know love.

Dani gave me the most awesome shirt for Father's Day and this sums it up quite well. It reads:

"Fatherhood requires Love, Not DNA"