Picture that moment you first laid eyes on your child, your baby. Remember that electric feeling as you took in those sweet cheeks and bright eyes and you ravenously took in all the details of that precious creation. Ten fingers. Ten toes. Just staring over and over again like you wanted to memorize each detail. Now imagine taking that precious moment and pressing it between the pages of an album or behind the glass of a frame without experiencing the sensation of that soft baby skin or smelling that sweet baby smell. Imagine all of the magic of that first moment and then imagine someone pushing the pause button. Saying, "I'm sorry, I know you are in love with this child, but you can't be a Mommy (or Daddy) yet. That day will come. But you have to wait."
That's just a peek into what it feels like to be an adoptive parent in this waiting stage. I know who my daughter is, I have seen her, and I felt all of those amazing, electric, unfathomable feelings the moment I saw her face. Then I tucked her picture back into its safe place in the album. You see, I have a two dimensional child. I have only ever seen her in flat images on a flat piece of paper. It's hard to feel like a mommy some days when my child doesn't feel real. I know she is. I am all too aware that our Cora baby is living her life day by day on the other side of the world without us. But there are still days that it is extremely hard to feel like she is more than just a two dimensional baby on a page.
This has been my struggle during this time of waiting with no paperwork to rush to get done and no hoops for me to jump through and no way to make governmental wheels turn any faster or even to know whether or not those wheels are turning at all. It can be draining to be feeling all of the excitement and anticipation that any first time parent feels as the day of their child's arrival approaches, but with no apparent physical evidence of her coming (no baby bump) most of the excited questions, comments, people bubbling over how this mother is glowing, etc. are absent. And while most of the time I don't mind, there are some days that it's hard to have all of the anticipation, but none of the outward signs of a child's imminent arrival into my life. Especially with no news of progress. And especially this week.
Yesterday marked a year since the day our plans got thrown into a tailspin. A year ago today, we were dealing with the news that our adoption was stuck and there was no way possible to know when things would get back on track. And while I know progress is being made and we have come so much farther down this road, it's hard not to be afraid that history will repeat itself.
So here is where we sit today...
All of the US side of the paperwork and approvals is complete. Everything now depends on how quickly things work in Ind*a. We received what is called an Article 5 in July. And that allowed us to move on to the next level of approval. We are now waiting for approval from the government of our daughter's state in Ind*a. This is called ARC. We heard recently that the people overseeing our case paperwork are expecting ARC to come any time now and they have been making inquiries and preparations to move on to the next step so that things will continue to progress smoothly. After ARC we will wait for something called a No Objections Certificate from the adoption authority. Then our case will start to move through the court system. Once that is complete and we have our written court orders, then we will have a better idea about when Cora will be coming home.
I know I got a little real on here today. I apologize to anyone who expected this process to always be rainbows and sunshine. I do my best to remain as positive as possible. I know God put us on this path and I know that His timing is perfect, He will provide, it will all be worth it when she comes home. I know all of this, but sometimes this litany of positive reminders I tell myself turns into the "waaa wuh waa wuh waa waa waaaa" of Charlie Brown's teacher. There are days that I can dance through this process and then there are days when I can barely get my head off the pillow because every little reminder in my house that there will one day be a bright, busy toddler running around reminds me that she is half a world away. And I am tired!
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